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Memorable quotes for
"Just Shoot Me!"
Future Issues (2003)

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Nina Van Horn: You may think this is sappy and old-fashioned, but you know where I met your dad? At an orgy.

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Jack Gallo: Well, Dennis, that was the last time I went to the bathroom as the boss.
Dennis Finch: Ooh, I'll call the Smithsonian.
Jack Gallo: Sarcasm I won't miss so much.

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Kevin Liotta: You want to hear a funny story? I once ran into your dad at the park.
Maya Gallo: You did? What happened?
Kevin Liotta: I told you, I ran into him at the park. Wow, with her in charge, this place is gonna go down the tubes.

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Maya Gallo: Why is this girl in her underwear?
Dennis Finch: Oh, we hired her. She's going to jump out of a giant cake.
Maya Gallo: I don't see a giant cake.
Dennis Finch: It's at my apartment.

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Jack Gallo: If I wanted a surprise party, I would have told Dennis to throw me one.

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Maya Gallo: This is so out of the blue. What do you think brought this on?
Nina Van Horn: Wait, I have it. Jack is having sexual problems. Men always freak out and quit their jobs whenever their Peter stops piping.
Elliot DiMauro: They do not! I mean, I assume they don't. I mean, how would I know?

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Maya Gallo: Finch, if you're trying to suck up to me because I'm the editor now, it's not quite working.
Dennis Finch: course it's not. It took years to learn to suck up to Jack. Sure, I'll prance around in your underpants to stretch them out, but it won't be the same.
Maya Gallo: First of all, I would never, ever ask you to do that.
Dennis Finch: That was the thing about Jack. You didn't have to ask.

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Nina Van Horn: When I needed a job, you were there. When I needed a friend, you were there. When I needed a kidney, you were there.
Dennis Finch: Excuse me, I believe that was my kidney?
Nina Van Horn: But Jack made you give it, and that's what was so sweet.

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Maya Gallo: Seven years ago, you asked me to help you become a better father to Hannah, but in typical Jack Gallo fashion, you pulled a fast one... when I wasn't looking, you became a real father to me.

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Dennis Finch: Jack, what can I say? You the man, so I decided to lay down some mad rhymes.
Maya Gallo: Aw, you wrote him a poem. That's so sweet.
Dennis Finch: It's not a poem, it's a hard-core, def-jam gangsta rap. I haven't had time to lay down the beats, so you'll have imagine the chains and the bling-bling and the Escalade. Here goes: There's a guy named Jack Gallo / Is he shallow? No / He just gots to go / Now he's flying solo... again, you have to imagine the boom-boom and the bitches and the rest. All the while / he made me smile like Gomer Pyle / I look up to him like Fay Wray looked up to King Kong / Like the Chinese to ping-pong / Slap it on da bing-bong.
Jack Gallo: Thank you, Dennis. I'm sure that meant a lot.

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Maya Gallo: That was awkward.
Kevin Liotta: Here I come.
Dennis Finch: Oh, no.
Kevin Liotta: [comes skipping in a sailor suit and holding a prop lollipop] On the Good Ship Lollipop / It's a quick trip to a candy shop... Wait, where's Mr. Gallo? Finch, if this is a practical joke, I will literally rip your head off!

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Nina Van Horn: But what about the party?
Jack Gallo: There isn't going to be a party.
Nina Van Horn: Tell that to the brownie I ate five minutes ago.

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