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"Two and a Half Men" (2003)
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Season:
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Year:
2003
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2004
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Season 1
Season 1, Episode 0: Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal: Original Pilot
???? | Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
 | Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
 | Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
 | Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
 | Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
 | Blythe Danner | ... | Evelyn Harper |
Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot
22 September 2003After 12 years of marriage, his wife Judith, kicks Alan out. He turns to his older brother Charlie for help. Charlie has trouble adjusting his carefree lifestyle with the presence of his 10 year old nephew.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Kristin Bauer | ... | Laura |
 | Thomas F. Wilson | ... | Mike (as Tom Wilson) |
| Frankie J. Allison | ... | Rodney (as Frankie Jay Allison) |
 | Eugene Byrd | ... | Lenny |
 | Jennifer Bini Taylor | ... | Suzanne (as Jennifer Taylor) |
| Eddie Gorodetsky | ... | Doug |
| Dan Foster | ... | Ken |
| Louisette Geiss | ... | Karen |
 | Michelle DiBenedetti | ... | Waitress (uncredited) |
Season 1, Episode 2: Big Flappy Bastards
29 September 2003Alan punishes Jake for an incident at Judith's house. Charlie is lax in enforcing Alan's restrictions, then some seagulls invade Charlie's house as a result of Jake's actions, Charlie has to learn how to discipline his nephew.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
Season 1, Episode 3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
6 October 2003Charlie and Alan go out drinking. Alan tries to reconcile with his wife, after that fails. They decide to confront the root of their issues, their mother.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
| Darryl Sivad | ... | Cab Driver |
Season 1, Episode 4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
13 October 2003As Charlie tries to write a new jingle, Berta quits. Alan tries to convince her to come back. Leaving Charlie to get Jake ready for a dinner. And Rose tries to get Charlie's help to prepare for a date.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
 | Steven Tyler | ... | Himself (voice) |
Season 1, Episode 5: The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
20 October 2003Jake's soccer games lead to Alan and Charlie having encounters with teammates' sexy mothers.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Christine Dunford | ... | Gloria |
| Eric Allan Kramer | ... | Bill |
 | Tricia O'Kelley | ... | Brooke |
| Zachary Polmanteer | ... | Ernie |
 | Liz Vassey | ... | Kate |
Season 1, Episode 6: Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
27 October 2003Charlie and Evelyn date members of the same family.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Madison Mason | ... | Tommy Pearson |
 | Krista Allen | ... | Olivia Pearson |
Season 1, Episode 7: If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually Fake
3 November 2003 | Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
 | Kristin Dattilo | ... | Cindy |
Season 1, Episode 8: Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
10 November 2003 | Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
 | Deena Dill | ... | Miss Tuttle |
 | Abigail Mavity | ... | Brianna |
 | Rhyon Nicole Brown | ... | Ashley |
 | Katelin Petersen | ... | Katie |
 | Sam Lerner | ... | Andrew |
| Jacob Urrutia | ... | Luis |
Season 1, Episode 9: Phase One, Complete
17 November 2003Charlie wants to dump a female friend to whom Jake has grown attached. Alan and Rose bond over a game of Scrabble.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Myndy Crist | ... | Wendy |
 | Christopher Jacobs | ... | Dave |
Season 1, Episode 10: Merry Thanksgiving
24 November 2003Thanksgiving winds up being the least thankful day of the year for Charlie, who has to bribe various members of his household to even come to a traditional turkey dinner. Not only are the usual feuds in evidence (leading to a turkey-carving right out of "Psycho") but Judith's parents are actually sympathetic to Alan and hostile to their own daughter for her "fling" with lesbianism.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Denise Richards | ... | Lisa |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
 | George Wyner | ... | Sheldon |
 | Cristine Rose | ... | Lenore |
Season 1, Episode 11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
15 December 2003Seeing Judith's new look and boyfriend prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he will need to change his look also.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Rebecca McFarland | ... | Leanne |
| Lucky Vanous | ... | Kevin |
| John Valdetero | ... | Phil |
| Daniel R. Escobar | ... | Richard (as Daniel Escobar) |
Season 1, Episode 12: Camel Filters and Pheremones
5 January 2004Berta brings her 16 year old granddaughter to work. She poses issues for the men.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
 | Lisa Arning | ... | Cheryl Ann |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
 | Noel Fisher | ... | Freddie |
 | Megan Fox | ... | Prudence |
Season 1, Episode 13: Sara Like Puny Alan
12 January 2004Charlie tries to nurse Alan back from the flu because he needs him for a double date with sisters.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Johanna Black | ... | Desiree |
| Lori Lively | ... | Kathy (as Lori Lynn Lively) |
Season 1, Episode 14: I Can't Afford Hyenas
2 February 2004Charlie's accountant Stan tries to make Charlie understand his desperate financial situation.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
| Richard Lewis | ... | Stan |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
 | J.D. Walsh | ... | Ted |
| Elena Lyons | ... | Susan |
 | Nick Toth | ... | Football Announcer (voice) |
Season 1, Episode 15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
9 February 2004Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie--against Alan's advice.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
 | Jenna Elfman | ... | Frankie |
 | Juliette Goglia | ... | Joanie |
Season 1, Episode 16: That Was Saliva, Alan
16 February 2004 | Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Jenna Elfman | ... | Frankie |
| Juliette Goglia | ... | Joanie |
Season 1, Episode 17: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
23 February 2004Charlie is offended when Alan chooses his married, responsible cousins as Jake's guardians.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Ski Carr | ... | Gonzales |
| Kris Iyer | ... | Dr. Prajneep |
 | Elise Robertson | ... | Second Nurse |
| Vernee Watson-Johnson | ... | Nurse |
Season 1, Episode 18: An Old Flame with a New Wick
1 March 2004Charlie's old flame, Jill, comes for a visit, she had an operation and is now called "Bill." Then Evelyn starts dating Bill.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
| Rebecca McFarland | ... | Leanne |
 | Chris O'Donnell | ... | Bill / Jill |
Season 1, Episode 19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
22 March 2004Judith's sister Liz comes for a visit.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Teri Hatcher | ... | Liz |
Season 1, Episode 20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
19 April 2004Jake starts annoying everyone with his incessant playing of "Smoke on the Water" on the electric guitar. Judith thinks Jake is having a difficult time coping with his parents' divorce. She suggests that they send Jake to a therapist, which Alan is reluctant to do.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
 | Jane Lynch | ... | Dr. Linda Freeman |
 | Jennifer Shumaker | ... | Beautiful girl |
 | Amanda Tosch | ... | Vicki |
Season 1, Episode 21: No Sniffing, No Wowing
3 May 2004After Charlie is given a witness interview by Alan's expensive, power-hungry divorce lawyer, Laura, she sets her sights on him, but warns him that it must be kept a secret, giving him strict ground rules to follow. Unaware of what is going on, Alan is feeling somewhat confident about the possibility of a fair custody/settlement agreement, despite Judith's concerns about Jake living at Uncle Charlie's house on weekends. When Charlie brings home Laura's paralegal to play, and Laura catches them together, Charlie finds her reaction to the situation unacceptable. Alan in dumbfounded when his lawyer tanks his case.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
 | Alana De La Garza | ... | Crystal |
 | Marc Grapey | ... | Stuart |
 | Heather Locklear | ... | Laura Lang |
Season 1, Episode 22: My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
10 May 2004 | Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Steffani Brass | ... | Debbie |
| Jamie Day | ... | Annette |
| Jane Lynch | ... | Dr. Linda Freeman |
 | Amanda Swisten | ... | Darlene |
Season 1, Episode 23: Just Like Buffalo
17 May 2004Jake repeats something Charlie says to Judith. Then Judith refuses to let Alan take Jake for the weekend. Alan tries to talk to Judith, but encounters resistance from Judith and her friends. It's up to Charlie to set things right.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
 | Yvette Nicole Brown | ... | Mandy |
 | Amy Farrington | ... | Kathleen |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
| Kristin Richardson | ... | Tiffany |
 | Stacey Travis | ... | Linda |
 | Cheryl White | ... | Ruth |
Season 1, Episode 24: Can You Feel My Finger
24 May 2004Charlie is sure he isn't ready for fatherhood after a year of trying to raise Jake, so he opts to have a vasectomy. But when the doctor performing the procedure keeps getting calls from his wife -- who's about to give birth -- Charlie starts to think about what fatherhood might entail and likes the idea, provided he still has his vital organs intact (in more ways than one).
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
 | Jenna Gering | ... | Naomi |
 | Byrne Offutt | ... | Paul |
 | Terry Rhoads | ... | Dr. Andrew Sperlock |
Season 2
Season 2, Episode 1: Back Off Mary Poppins
20 September 2004Charlie is having some friends coming over to his house to have a gathering but Alan is not invited. Things got worse when Alan is also not invited to Judith's party even though her guests are Alan's friends.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
 | Sean Penn | ... | Himself |
 | Elvis Costello | ... | Himself |
 | Harry Dean Stanton | ... | Himself |
 | Bobby Cooper | ... | The Guys' Bookie |
Season 2, Episode 2: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
27 September 2004Alan is hurt after finding out Judith is seeing Jake's pediatrician. Meanwhile, Evelyn tries to find out why Charlie hates her.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |
| Melanie Lynskey | ... | Rose |
| Conchata Ferrell | ... | Berta |
| Holland Taylor | ... | Evelyn Harper |
| Ryan Stiles | ... | Dr. Melnick |
Season 2, Episode 3: A Bag Full of Jawea
4 October 2004After Jake flips off his teacher, Alan and Judith move to punish him. Charlie, meanwhile, has other plans for Jake's teacher. Chaos ensues when Jake discovers the relationship and the increasingly overbearing Miss Pasternak tells Charlie she believes God brought them together.
| Charlie Sheen | ... | Charlie Harper |
| Jon Cryer | ... | Alan Harper |
| Angus T. Jones | ... | Jake Harper |
| Marin Hinkle | ... | Judith Harper |